Ground Control to Major Tom: 02/01/2004

Friday, February 27, 2004

Free the Grey Album: i knew it would come to this someday. forget Metallica vs. Napster, the latest battle of intellectual property infringement pits EMI vs DJ Dangermouse. in case you're uninformed or too lazy to click on the link i've provided (you lazy bastard, links fuel my blog), the Grey Album is an ambitious project to mash Jay-Z's Black Album with the Beatles' seminal White Album together to create 12 funky-as-shit tracks. there're better-sounding individual rap-meets-rock mashup bootlegs out there, but the creatve vision and technical execution of the DJ are of the highest quality. if EMI get their way, the domino effect set in motion might mean the prosecutions of the amateur bootleg creators amongst our midst; the creative individuals who have been mixing and mashing tracks for the music-hungry netsurfing public. personally i have almost two hundred bootleg mp3s stored on my family and roommate's computers, and they've been a great source of musical pleasure. it's frightening really, that the Grey Album 'shifted' over 100 000 units in a day, i.e. over 1 million downloaded tracks. and i'm among the pirates as the corporate bigwigs would kindly put it. Staind would have been happy had their Grey Album received such publicity... and who would have thought the best rap album in late-2003/early-2004 doesn't belong to Outkast.

Thursday, February 26, 2004

ever felt like doing this?

these little pigs

i wonder why this was invented in the first place

Tower Blaster

The Punisher

New Car Net Racer

Great! someone thinks i'm Malaysian. so now i can add my new-found nationality to the erstwhile list consisting of Taiwanese, Hongkonger, Filipino, Indonesian and my actual nationality. why doesn't anyone mistake me for a German dude or something?

the MTVs are done; and surprise of surprises, they don't look cheesy. My superior thinks we've salvaged potentially cringe-from-start-to-finish projects and rendered them merely whince-inducing (occasionally of course). one has to realize that we worked with limited filming time, unaesthetic footage (nothing wrong with my camerawork per se, just that the people in the video aren't the most pulchritudinous and photogenic) and a budget of near-zero. yeah yeah, go easy on the plaudits my friends.

i was assessing local blogospheric responses to the virgin couples featured in the Sunday edition of our government-endorsed English daily. in short, more or less internet pundits were poking fun especially at the couple who walked out halfway through Gangs of New York when some broads decided to bare their bosoms. being a respectable and mature member of society, i WILL NOT derive sadistic comic pleasure from their behaviour; so i'll leave it to the Editor who's dying to type something.

The Editor: HA HA, stupid cunts! (the views expressed in no way reflect the opinions of the blogger)

moving on, i turn my critical eye towards the recent spate of oral sex judicial cases. the necessary decriminalizing of oral sex legislation is an issue which has been beaten to death, so i shan't beat it anymore. personally i'm shocked that people perform fellatio in cineplexes; the emitted sounds distract other paying members of the public from enjoying the movie. and i sure hope they cleaned up the mess, unless she swallowed of course. How very inconsiderate. by the way, one does wonder: who gets arrested when a couple 69s? the guy gets it by default i suppose, even if the girl is of legal age etc... then how is the law applied to lesbian couples that 69? since my head spins in consideration to the legal complications that ineluctably arise in unprecedented cases, the best way to illuminate doubt would be to have an actual case stand trial.

Prosecutor: Did you lick her pussy at the said date, time and place?
Defendant: Yes, i did. So she was licking mine too.
Prosecutor: Who was on top?
Defendant: i was
Prosecutor: You sick, twisted Sapphic slut! i'm gonna lock you up so that you won't undermine the moral integrity of our Confucian society.

Sunday, February 22, 2004

link-dump...

Zwill

what 20th century theorist are you? it says i'm Michel Foucault... but i'm straight as an arrow!

Capture The Flag

the Battlefield (warning: stickman violence)

ok, this is the premise. Round up the worst singers in Dutch Idol and unleash them in a football stadium. the result? Simply the best!

Crunchtime

Demotivators

will William Hung join this competition too? for some reason, i don't think 'She Bangs' would be as well-received

philosophical quotes to impress girls with

Friday, February 20, 2004

and i also missed Joseph Nye's public policy seminar, reminder to kick myself in the ass...

dunno if this is a repost... why smoking is bad for health

beer commercial

wrecker

Chapter 34: Never judge a book by its cover

a nerdy, awkward and taciturn acquaintance turns out to be a sex demon- let's just say i'll never look at school canteens the same way again

an irascible, scruffy and LOUD fella turns out to be the star singer in an acapella choir

valuable life lessons i've learnt this week

Tuesday, February 17, 2004

Jacques Derrida was supposed to come down for a seminar, which i was naturally itching to attend if they allowed me to do so, but he fell ill. Bummer.

file under 'more weird Japanese stuff'

you know the pics your friends send you that feature celebs without makeup...well, this is a pretty handy resource

Nutrigrain (feel great)--- tell me where i can get some of that shit

The preoccupations of certain members of the exclusive academia highfalutin club with political classification is frankly starting to bore me. much as it can argued that people in my minuscule part of the world are myopically depoliticized, the other extreme doesn't manifest too much perspicaciousness either. i see some level of need in categorizing people and writings with well-ascertained labels for greater convenience, but beyond a certain point i would think that discussing whether Bugs Bunny is an Oakeshottian or Rawlsian is quite plainly impractical. At least it gives all the armchair political commentators something to argue over...in fact i believe they will argue over anything with which a clear position is tenable.

i am a lefty!
(stunned silence in the room)
of course i'm a lefty, i write with my left hand don't i?

Forget 'Fair and Balanced' news; if it really existed it would never see the light of day, much less being shown on the same channel as American Idol. what you, the discerning reader, needs is straight-to-the-marrow clear-sighted sagacious commentary on the news of the day, that at least i can provide.

Australia targets Bali sex tourism- what an inambiguous headline, looks as the Aussies are looking to diversify their economy. and the surprising thing is it seems that officials have recently discovered that Aussie tourists head to Southeast Asia for some exotic flesh. Shocking!

Malaysia kicks off NS- the central tenet of this operation is interaction. has the Singapore govt thought of inducting girls into NS? some of us need all the interaction we can get. All hands to the pump, guys, our nation needs fertilized eggs.

Anti-drug abuse campaign...- yay, campaign! can't live without them here, helps lubricate the friction of life.

R(A) film not cut, so people free to choose- wow, does it mean we can get to choose the movies we wanna watch here? independent of the distributors? for those who are less well-informed, we have a comprehensive selection of films playing in our theatres at any given time. so much so that it's often hard to choose between the well-oiled, incendiary (literally) Hollywood blockbuster and psychologically/sociologically-insightful romantic comedy/horror film (moreover only a couple of scenes are cut).

Nude sex-slaves project halted- Damn!

Air controllers in France strike- huh? you mean that's news?

as an aside, the images of the Islamic protesters holding placards saying 'No to Valentine's Day' and othermessages along those lines have stuck in my head. talk about bitter spurned lovers and lonely singles.

Monday, February 16, 2004

Life is shit, i love Death.... in a nutshell

for some reason i liked this, the Radiohead soundtrack must have helped

Paris Hilton does Saturday Night Live

Periodic Table of Rejected Elements

just thought i'd post something before i head for some hot, sweaty and steamy action with a few guy friends.
despite the recent sporadic posting frequency, rest assured that i'm still overindulging in over-rumination, though the contents of these introspective inspections are not meant for public consumption. actually, notwithstanding my packed schedule (which will continue for another three weeks at least), i've been thinking even more these few days...largely concerning momentous issues in our world today like why in the name of Cupid i'm still unattached. Mom, i haven't regressed to bed-wetting, it's the denouement of cathartic sobbing sessions. But surely i jest.

if you guys are reading this, you may not have any recollection but many years ago we made a bet that whoever among us first gets a girlfriend would have to treat the rest of us to a meal. i suggest that the guilty party(ies) had better own up and feed us-- don't try and cover your tracks you sneaky bastards, i have eyes everywhere.

Friday, February 13, 2004

i'm so up to my nose with work...which is a pretty poor excuse not to blog. the Editor, having read my previous post, commented that hard-ons interfere not just with hearing, but with most other physiological functions. i shan't describe his examples. incidentally he has been reading a special (to him at least) copy of Newsweek, the issue just before Sept 11. 'to think', he said, 'that the American media had been awash with grief over Aaliyah's death before 911.... and we still have tributes to her to this very day.' oh, btw Happy VD and i hope more people catch AIDS and die! (did i sound bitter there?)

too many good links to keep up with....

can't go wrong with Something Awful

and i love this pussy too

Zuma

The Nitpicker's Guide to LOTR

yeah, lest i forget Worth1000: Bad Ads

Sperm Wars

tit tazzler

i wanna go to Manchester!

hand fan martial arts- the type in our wuxia movies

Indigen

Jacko soundboard

interpreting Friendster photos

Tuesday, February 10, 2004

this bloke deserves an A for chutzpah

men, convince your partners to swallow instead of spit with this valuable resource

how very entertaining

real balls

it's common practice, and courtesy, to put on headphones while watching porn- or so i've heard; especially so in communal living. emanated moans and groans, however barely inaudible, are distracting for other people trying to study. you might surmise that hard-ons divert valuable physiological resources away from the cerebrum. A friend of mine very recently had a couple of hours to spare, and given the cognitive operations of men in general, he soon found himself incredibly horny. as usual, he plugged in his headphones, opened the folder cleverly disguised as 'Work Documents', accessed some mpegs of Japanese smut, turned the volume on to full, sat back in his seat, relaxed for a while and proceeded to wrestle with the one-eyed gladiator. after he had released the Olympic doves, which for him i suspect didn't take very long since his trusted gladiatrix Mother Hand was pretty much peerless in unarmed combat, he removed his headphones. only then did he discover that, lo and behold, the raunchiest sounds and wittiest vocabulary were coming out from his speakers at plane-takeoff volume. Evidently, the headphones weren't plugged in as well as he thought it would have been. from the testimonies of his neighbours, they didn't absorb very much in their readings during the meantime.

Moral of the story: Hard-ons interfere with hearing.

Saturday, February 07, 2004

Die Krähen schrein
Und ziehen schwirren Flugs zur Stadt:
Bald wird es schnein, -
Wohl dem, der jetzt noch - Heimat hat!

Nun stehst du starr,
Schaust rückwärts, ach! wie lange schon!
Was bist du Narr
Vor Winters in die Welt entflohn?

Die Welt - ein Tor
Zu tausend Wüsten stumm und kalt!
Wer das verlor,
Was du verlorst, macht nirgends Halt.

Nun stehst du bleich,
Zur Winter-Wanderschaft verflucht,
Dem Rauche gleich,
Der stets nach kältern Himmeln sucht.

Flieg, Vogel, schnarr
Dein Lied im Wüstenvogel-Ton! -
Versteck, du Narr,
Dein blutend Herz in Eis und Hohn!

Die Krähen schrein
Und ziehen schwirren Flugs zur Stadt:
Bald wird es schnein, -
Weh dem, der keine Heimat hat!

ask Lucifer

age maps

i've learned...

with a toss of the xiuqiu, the most ghastly public campaign in the history of this campaign-saturated nation was launched for the second year. it's almost enough to turn the most hardcore, idealistic romantic cynical. i predict in a couple of years, there'll be a public education program informing couples on the sex positions most conducive for procreation, you heard it here first. on the topic of procreation, someone commented yesterday that people like me shouldn't be allowed by legislation to propagate my genes. why anyone would think this way is quite unfathomable.

some time ago, i was vigorously defending the concupiscent material on this blog by asking rhetorically whether readers would prefer me posting ribald stuff or analysing Heidegger's Being and Time. who says you can't have your cake and eat it too? it so contrives that i'm studying Heidegger this semester. thankfully the professor has a heart and only assigned short sections of Being and Time as course readings, a book he cheerfully describes as '500 pages of pure torture'. it's difficult to disagree. some of these French and German dudes ought to take a course on plain communication, might just improve their book sales. not that it'll ameliorate matters that much since most of these thinkers are currently worm food, but every little bit helps. as a matter of fact i'm cognizant of the fact that English is a pretty unsophisticated language, my apologies to the natural English speakers out there, but that's the plain truth, and its deficiencies are especially obtrusively glaring in the realms of philosophy and aesthetic prose.

Wednesday, February 04, 2004

Update: my highest score for the penguin game stands at 323.7, while my roommate's lags marginally behind at 323.4. LOSER!

ASCII porn

The Disco

The Love Calculator

thought i was pretty cool in being able to string 6 'that's consecutively in a grammatically-correct sentence, until i saw this, but then again the example with 7 'that's is cheating slightly in my opinion.

Monday, February 02, 2004

it takes guts--- and a steady hand

guardian angel

the hottest office application in cyberspace now- my highest score thus far: 320

skipped filming today cos i had an important appointment to fulfil- my soccer game. in any case we've made satisfactory progress in shooting the main sequences, would have been more had the rain gods not intervened. right at the onset, i showed the band Korn's Right Now (2D version) video and expounded to them that was the artistic direction we would take. The lead singer said that i was sick, which was disappointing cos i had expected her, an English major, to use a stronger word. So, as so frequently witnessed, artistic integrity was sacrificed for conventionality- it's a bouncy pop-rock track, something Michelle Branch would have sung, and since the lead does like Michelle Branch, we settled for a video along those lines. initially i wanted the band to don bunny ears and jam in a forested area, while frolicking and doing the things bunnies do best. But again my avant-garde vision had to be discarded- now i know how indie directors feel. to be honest, after a long day of shooting, the video is starting to feel cheesy; moreover the lead wasn't all that comfortable in front of the camera, especially when she knew it was a close-up. Please, at least she was fully-dressed, think about what porn actresses go through on a regular basis, cameras a couple of inches away from the nether regions with a guy's face even closer.

one of the reasons i almost always turn up for gatherings with my buddies is to catch up with the latest scintillating and/or titillating gossip. and i've surmised that, quite obviously, the subject under scrutiny usually isn't present. it takes pretty much effrontery to talk bad about someone in his face. and it so contrived that someone who played with us recurrently (i wouldn't call him my friend though cos he's quite a showy character) was conspicuously absent today. since he's a fella who thinks he's God's gift to women (with liitle basis for saying so), most of us take wicked delight in tearing him down. well, it turns out that some time ago, he brought a gullible girl to his place with the intention of losing his virginity, a burdensome load in his view, once and for all. We know this much because he was indiscreet enough to confide in a blabbermouth amongst us who had goaded him into disclosing his sexual experiences (how he did so was bloody ingenious, which i shan't elucidate via this channel cos i might want to employ it someday myself). Anyway this stupid acquaintance was petting that similarly stupid girl heavily in a state of undress, when he decided to....ta-da...whip out his enthusiastic member and fulfil its biological destiny. unfortunately penises don't think very far ahead, understandable given the small size of its head, and he was consequently rubbing his dick against the girl's panties a few times....when he ejaculated. at least the guy in American Pie had the ability to prematurely shoot his wad twice... the poor fella in my story couldn't muster another effort and so the girl went home. Bwahahahaha......! i know this might happen to me in future, but i want to laugh while i can. HAHAHAHA.....!!! and the best part is that he wouldn't know that we know unless someone breaks rank and teases him.

Sunday, February 01, 2004

haggis hurling

celebrity survey

Bootylicious!- Beyonce, Michelle and Kelly need speech therapy

today we start filming for the two MTVs we have been commissioned to shoot (commissioned sounds better than arrowed, but then again we did volunteer...). of course the gargantuan task spells many sleepless nights for me and two of my colleagues, huddled together in the editing room, all bleary-eyed for the next two weeks. hopefully the finished products would be worth a watch. i would think they will be available online in our video vault, the URL address of which i shan't disclose; failing which any curious viewers would then have to fork out some dough to purchase the CDs of the featured bands. As for the quality of the videos themselves, well...i'm no Mark Romanek but then again i could be better than him. for starters, we're armed with nothing but a couple of DV cameras, editing software and a tummyful of chutzpah, unlike Mr Romanek's budget of millions. we'll see how it turns out, as for now fingers crossed (the weather's been as wet as a horde of teenage girls in the presence of Brad Pitt these few days).

Ground Control to Major Tom