Madonna/Whore pt 1: Mothers
Despite Zidane's public admission and the concerted efforts of a legion of putative lip-readers, we are no closer to knowing what Materazzi said exactly that managed to provoke the French captain into practising a stooping header on the Italian's ribcage. Zizou claims that his mother and sister were insulted. Some had earlier surmised that perhaps Materazzi had suggested that Mrs Zidane had carnal relations with a FLN miltant as part of her work. My guess is that the exchange might have been something like this.Zidane (after Materazzi had tugged on his jersey): Eh, if you like my shirt so much, I'll give it to you after the game.
Materazzi: Oh, it's okay. I've already exchanged shirts with your mother/sister last night.
In his defence, the Italian was adamant that he never insulted Zidane's mother, because his own mother died when he was young and to him, mothers are sacred. Now, I'm inclined to believe Materazzi's testimony. Italian men, or so I've heard, are very close to their mothers. If you don't believe me, fly to Italy some time and visit their museums. Count the number of depictions you see of a young mother holding an intelligent-looking baby. All that celebration of maternal love was bound to rub off on the inhabitants somehow.
I was just wondering how Materazzi might have reacted had the soccer boot been on the other foot. Most probably, he would have broken into tears. You see, the enduring image I had of Materazzi prior to the World Cup was of him sobbing uncontrollably. The defender had previously played for Everton and Perugia, both of which were flirting dangerously with relegation during his time at the clubs. My memory is kinda foggy, but I remember him moved to tears after scoring in a critical end-of-season match for either Everton or Perugia. And in another crucial game for the other club, he begged the referee pathetically not to send him off for a second bookable offence. Obviously the referee didn't heed his pleas and so he wept bitterly while refusing to leave the pitch. Sensitive guy, him.
I think the world might be a better place if mothers had a say in international relations. Mind you, not your 'Mothers Against Nuclear Proliferation' mothers or the 'let's invite your friends over for cupcakes, shall we?' mothers. I was thinking more along the lines of mothers who espouse the 'argue with me and I'll whack you so hard you'll piss blood for the next three days' philosophy of parenting. If you know my mom, yeah that's roughly it. Please don't think I'm exaggerating, I was hit till I bled quite a bit once.
Some political analysts argue that North Korea's madman gambit has worked yet again, as the powers discuss suitable responses. I don't understand. Most mothers, especially the old skool type, instinctively know that fussing over a child's tantrums only reinforces the behaviour. My mother simply walked away when I made a scene. Moreover, ignoring a threat doesn't necessarily escalate it, since parties that play the madman ploy are obviously not madmen. In the Iranian situation, Ahmadinejad would rather enrich uranium than accept whatever attractive package Condi & co has presented to him. I suspect that the UN negotiators, while competent, are too nice for the task at hand. Send in a group of mothers who believe that with a properly-wielded stick and a sufficiently loud voice the other party can be made to swallow radioactive carrots and you might get a different outcome.
posted by KynTheMan @ 7:18 PM
<< Home